I'm so excited for this week.

Christmas is almost here, which means it's almost January which means I'm that much closer to turning another year older.

Oh, life. Life is good.

You sang your song and you danced your dance.

It's been a while. It's been a while.

Things are going good. Christmas is coming soon and I sort of can't wait. I think this is the one year that I didn't ask for anything materialistic. (Well, maybe Star Wars: Force Unleashed for xBox 360 wouldn't hurt) I'm excited for family and friends. I'm excited for finals to be over and done with.
I'm just excited.
I'm in a happy place right now, and I'm not scared to admit it.

I'm happy. I've been too happy. I'm excited.

Christmas is soon and in the car today my mom asked me what I wanted. This is the first year that I shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't know".

Things are great. Everything is great.

Vegas is fun. So fun. This is just what I needed.

No nagging.

Today I went to Mandalay Bay and went to the Shark Reef. I got sort of freaked out. That's normal, right? Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

It is now the Friday after Thanksgiving. Hellllllo sweet deals! Hello Xbox 360. Hello every store being open!

Things are good.

Today was horrible. Someone deleted my damn folder in TV. I hate starting from scratch. I hate everything.
I hate how everyone picked on me, piles things on top like I'm a damn dumpster.


I can't wait until I'm out of here. At least for a few days.

Just for a few days. That's all I really want.

I want to keep my head on straight. I want to live a life that I like. I want to last.
I want to be durable.

But then I think about forever and get too scared to do things right.
whatamidoing?

I want to be infinite. I want the feeling of being infinite. Why can the universe be infinite but we can't?

ihatethis.

I need light. The darkness has been hunting me down for days, weeks, months even.

I wish there was a God.

I'm losing inspiration. Inspiration, I'm losing it. I'm losing my mind.

I'm sitting here. I'm yawning. I'm tired. I'm awake and I need sleep.

Sleep. Yeah, that.

I'll say the words that mean everything, only if you do the things that mean nothing.

I feel accomplished. I feel determined. I feel accepted. I feel my heart beating. I feel real.

I like this feeling.

I've come to my turning point.

hap·pi·ness
noun
:a state of well-being and contentment

I'm never content, because there's always something better to do. There's always room for improvement.

Today I found out that I'm going to be published in a book for an essay I wrote. Maybe thousands of people are going to read what I wrote and agree with me. This makes me smile, but I am not content because while proofreading, I kept on thinking "What was I thinking?" What am I thinking?

This is when I want to shoot Merriam-Webster and redefine happiness.

Somehow I came across my old old old LiveJournal account. I was thirteen years old and Lord. I'm on a hunt for my account when I was fourteen. I feel so childish for writing the things that I did. How bad I wanted to be like everyone else.

I hope I've broken out of that shell. Been reborn.

I hope.

This.

"Without love, we are birds with broken wings."

-Morrie

Please, please, go to a bookstore, go to a library, borrow from a friend. Just do yourself a favor and read Tuesdays With Morrie. So inspiring, so uplifting but has the abililty to make you cry. I know I learned a lot reading this book, and I'm sure you will too.

And why?

To be completely honest, I have no idea why I made this blog. I have very high doubts that someone will read, follow, or take my words into consideration.

It's a mercy thing, really. You've gotta let it out sometime. Words are never just words.
Don't forget that.